Monday, January 09, 2006
About December's Angel
This blog is being created as a source for parents who have lost children,
ecspecially an infant child. About 25 years ago our first child, Christopher Thomas was stillborn. That event was the beginning of an incredible journey. The following year our daughter Christiana was born and because of several congenital anomolies she remained in a NICU, endured several surgeries and then died at age three months; she had never left the hospital. That was December 6, 1982. So as you may have guessed this blog is dedicated to her.
I wanted to start a support group years ago but because of my work schedule in nursing and raising two boys there never seemed to be time. Now it seems as though the Lord has granted me the opportunity of fulfilling that dream.
Recently a friend of mine had lost her son in a terrible car accident. I had been able to share with her and support and comfort her through a difficult time, and because of that, the dream in my heart began to blossom. I feel that God has a perfect time for all things, so now the dream begins.
First of all I want to make myself available to anyone who has experienced such devastating loss. I would like to be a friend and a shoulder for you to lean on and together I am sure God will add unto our lives.
My husband and I have been married for 26 years and after our loss we were given the gift of two beautiful sons. We count ourselves blessed indeed, but there is always a deep place in your heart which carries the treasure of memories of those who have gone before us.
I pray that this blog will always be a blessing and comfort to all in need, and that many others will share their experiences and support as well. We are here for you, and look forward to hearing from you.
God Bless To All!
Angela McFarland
St. Petersburg, Florida
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Two days ago we passed by the cemetary where my son and daughter lay. It has been a good number of years since I have been there. When my children first died, I went all the time, ecspecially after my son was taken from us. I was newly married, just about 18 months and I was just learning how to drive. I never got to see my son. I had him at a catholic hospital and around that time 25 years ago they doped me up plenty. I remember the labor pains, but when I awoke there was no baby. My husband had a chance to say goodbye, but I never did. It left such a deep emptiness in me. So one night, a few days after the funeral, in the wee hours of the morning, I got in our old chevy and drove myself to the cemetary. I didn't have drivers license, but I didn't care, my heart was breaking. I sat on the newly dug grave, it still had flowers on it, slightly wilting, but still there. I started crying, sobbing to the depth of my soul. "Lord, I never got to see him, I never got to say goodbye, to count his fingers or toes, I never saw his eyes or his sweet smile. Help me, dear Lord, my pain is so deep, how can I go on. Something in my heart has truly died."
I carassed one single flower, close to my heart. "Dear Christopher, I never saw you, I never got to say goodbye, my heart is aching to hold you. I wish I got to hold you." I drove home, very slowly, because the tears were welling up in my eyes so that my vision was impaired. When I got home, I silently crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep.
The lord had heard the cry of my heart because in my dreams I heard such glorious singing and felt such a presence of love and warmth.
I was surrounded by a company of angels and there in one of the angels arms was my little boy. When I awoke there was a deep peace in my heart and I knew that the my son went straight into the presence of the Lord and that he was safe. There still remained the emptiness in my heart but it was surrounded with the presence of God's love and tender understanding. The reason I don't visit their graves so much anymore is because I know my children aren't there. They abide in heaven and I don't have to look down at the ground to remember them. I lift up my eyes toward heaven because that is where my two angels abide. Deep in my heart I know that I will see them again. That is the promise and gift that we find in God's salvation, though we are dead, yet shall we live. I thank God for His grace. I still have those times when the emptiness creeps in, but with it comes full assurance that He will never leave me nor forsake me.
I carassed one single flower, close to my heart. "Dear Christopher, I never saw you, I never got to say goodbye, my heart is aching to hold you. I wish I got to hold you." I drove home, very slowly, because the tears were welling up in my eyes so that my vision was impaired. When I got home, I silently crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep.
The lord had heard the cry of my heart because in my dreams I heard such glorious singing and felt such a presence of love and warmth.
I was surrounded by a company of angels and there in one of the angels arms was my little boy. When I awoke there was a deep peace in my heart and I knew that the my son went straight into the presence of the Lord and that he was safe. There still remained the emptiness in my heart but it was surrounded with the presence of God's love and tender understanding. The reason I don't visit their graves so much anymore is because I know my children aren't there. They abide in heaven and I don't have to look down at the ground to remember them. I lift up my eyes toward heaven because that is where my two angels abide. Deep in my heart I know that I will see them again. That is the promise and gift that we find in God's salvation, though we are dead, yet shall we live. I thank God for His grace. I still have those times when the emptiness creeps in, but with it comes full assurance that He will never leave me nor forsake me.
Over the past month I have noted many infants have passed away. My heart has been very burdened for the parents, knowing the depth of how a loss like that affects you.
To you I can say that our precious babies are safe in the arms of our Saviour and that He cares for you and that He bottles all of your tears. Rest your weary heart in the safety of His love and grace, and know that we are here for you as a friend and an ear to hear your heartache. You all are loved and prayed for. God Bless You.
You can email me anytime at decembersangelministry@yahoo.com.
To you I can say that our precious babies are safe in the arms of our Saviour and that He cares for you and that He bottles all of your tears. Rest your weary heart in the safety of His love and grace, and know that we are here for you as a friend and an ear to hear your heartache. You all are loved and prayed for. God Bless You.
You can email me anytime at decembersangelministry@yahoo.com.
# posted by 
: Tue Apr 04, 01:27:00 PM 2006
: Tue Apr 04, 01:27:00 PM 2006
To all my friends and parents who have visited this site. I understand that it has been a very long time since I have posted anything to my blog. However, it has been a difficult year with much illness due to my lupus condition and the fact that I have also had much difficulty with severe carpal tunnel syndrome which prohibits me to have feeling in my fingers and makes typing very difficult. Please understand however that you are still in my prayers and it is my desire to continue this ministry and start making entries on a more frequwnt basis.
Most Sincerely,
Angela
Most Sincerely,
Angela
Wow, it surely has been a long time since I wrote on this site or kept up with the ministry. We have had an upheaval of the last couple of years, but now I am really feeling led to start working on this ministry and getting God's wisdom and comfort for those who are hurting from the loss of their children. This month of December it is 27 years since my baby girl dies. I heard a beautiful Song by Steven Curtis Chapman. "Heaven is the Face of a little girl" For me Heaven is the face of my baby girl. I often wonder what kind of woman she would be. Amazing I think. I now have 2 daughters-in-law, actually 1 is a daughter-in-law to be. I love them, but there is still that empty place in my heart.
God Bless all of you who are hurting with that loss. I will be revising and updating the site and my blog in the coming New Year and I pray the Lord will truly bless it and that all those parents who have suffered loss can be a comfort to others and that the Lord will heal hearts through it all. My prayers are for you.
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God Bless all of you who are hurting with that loss. I will be revising and updating the site and my blog in the coming New Year and I pray the Lord will truly bless it and that all those parents who have suffered loss can be a comfort to others and that the Lord will heal hearts through it all. My prayers are for you.
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